what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
