I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
