you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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