you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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