Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
