The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
