oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
