ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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