how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
