I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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