Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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