I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
