what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
