Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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