just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
