You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
