So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
