some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
