Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
