he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
