I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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