The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize