Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
