Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
