1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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