worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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