We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
