Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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