i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
