So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
