She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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