I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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