i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
