Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
