i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
