i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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