I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
did i just pee glitter
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
