I'm so fucking centered right now
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
