I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
