She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
