If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
