i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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