best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
sarcasm needs its own font
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
