A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
