Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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