xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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