I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Sext me about skeletons
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
