He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You may now shotgun with the bride
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
