i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
