allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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