oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
