this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
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He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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