This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
