There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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