I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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