Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
