your room smells of hookers.
And success
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
