I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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