at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
